Four Months a Widow
Wood & Co
Gary’s dog, Skye and I, have partnered up. We’ve adjusted to our new schedule and habits. Being alone and nights have been fearless. Paperwork, communications and accounting demands more than imagined. Distributing clothing, shoes and hats took weeks and is not yet complete. Planning for the Celebration of Life was my priority. Luckily, I had experience with planning events. I found it helpful to limit input and maintain boundaries developing the vision of the event, themes, displays, and food. Thor, our eldest, designed the invitation brilliantly.
My sons and their children traveled with me to Florida for a healing spring break. We took a boat to Gary’s favorite fishing spot in the Gulf of Mexico and released some of his ashes. We laughed more than we cried. Being in nature and a place that was vast was beautiful and calming. The awkwardness I anticipated was imagined. We were together, safe, and trusting. It was a binding experience for our sons and grandchildren.
Returning home and back to work I developed pneumonia. Newly bereaved are likely to become sick within six months of loss especially when prolonged caregiving was involved. It is predictable. Attention to hydration, food intake, sleep, exercise and emotional support are essential. Knowing this I didn’t delay seeking medical attention, medications and rest.
Gary’s Celebration of Life was classy and honored him and his passions effectively. My siblings, children and a cousin took various assignments. Each met my high expectations and exceeded them. Gary’s younger brother and his wife were able to travel to be with us. His older brother and sister contributed stories and photographs. We opted for an open house without any formal program. This gave us time to enjoy and appreciate those who attended. High school, nursing school and old and current work friends attended.
I imagine resounding applause and bells after the celestial release of Gary’s Celebration of Life documentary. Once everything was unloaded and we’d delivered unused food to all surrounding neighbors. Sons and grandgirls did multiple rounds of goodbyes and hugs, seeking assurances that I was ok before heading home. My recliner beckoned. My nightcap was reading the cards, and emails of regret for missing. Generously people texted how they enjoyed and felt about Gary and the celebration. This was a milestone in the grief journey, an element of closure.
Semi-independently I sold a small piece of property honoring Gary’s long-term goals for this land and made a wise financial decision abandon my tiny home pipe dreams. I marched into the bank and made an investment. Finally, I listed one of the saddles for sale. Thanks for reading and reacting it is much appreciated. Readers kindly act in the absence of my husband as a sounding board. While I strut feeling fully adult, fact is, I still identify as married.
My condolences, Michele. I am to spread my father’s ashes, along with my mother’s when she passes. For now, they are with her.
Of course you are still married. It’s good to check in on you, Michele, and see how you are. It sounds as if the celebration of life and all the ways you are remembering your husband were perfect. Good for you that you made good financial investments! I would expect nothing less from you. As I write to you, it feels like Gary is still here. He is a beautiful part of your story.
So sorry to hear about the pneumonia but how like you to take the reins in a practical and speedy way. I hope you are fully recovered, or close to that place.
As your days pass, I hope you will continue to keep us updated. You have been through a long, arduous time. It sounds like you are loved and cared for. I’ll be thinking of you during this first year….